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Monday, November 14, 2011

Steel Panther - Balls Out review

Year : 2011
Genre : Glam / Penis Metal
Label : Universal
Origin : United States
Rating : 7.0 / 10

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Steel Panther does not make the miserable critic's life easier, as it is not enough that the band's latest contribution is an unblemished hair me... penis metal delivery when witnessed from the angle it wants you to entertain along, - meaning nothing more or else than hearing, you little rascal, you! - it also features lyrics that sooner or later WILL start to kick one hysteric laugh after the other out of you, no matter how hard you tried to resist like a respectable stock-civilian. This, first and foremost, is a commercial microwave product solely engineered to immediate consumption while it tolls the idiotic giggle out of you via the oh!, so naughtyness it wettily swims - gihi, gihi! - in. This is '80s, early '90s glam metal galore with a relentless comic-book sex fixation. Legs, lips, tits, meat, more legs, more tits, more lips, more meat, until you need 5 magical minutes to recuperate. This is the Life of Your Rock Star God who Has It All and Fails to Give a Shit Anymore, until he has the opportunity - again - to witness two drunk chicks - others, this time - licking out cocaine from each other's ass, now THAT still demands a minute or so of attention. This is the underlying parody-ethos of this decently presented commercial product, and deciphering it any other way will make you look kind of bitter and super-miserable, which is a pretty clever trick of the album. You can't oppose it without coming across as a tool, because it is the deliberate comic-book caricature of a lifestyle the judger probably has zero access to.

You, who judge, are only angry at it because you are not part of it.

As such, brutally negativistic notions about this harmless commercial product are not only unnecessary, they simply can not have significant weight on this LP, either. Quite the contrary : they are making it only more notorious, and more sellable. Which is part of the plan, of course. If you are crying out "this is the desanctification of metal!" - then you are 1. wrong, 2. have been brainwashed, and you are making money for the creators. Not believe me? Hah. Not a single person who has been brainwashed, has knowledge about it. If you think metal can't take a parody like this, - and an EXIGENT parody, mind us, because

Steel Panther is legit glam metal

- then your current conception of metal should be wasted, in my opinion.

Steel Panther's Balls Out is not at all pretentious - positive - nor utterly relevant enough - negative - to develop a largely bullshit-based valuesystem-hate for, yet, being enthusiastically blown away by this product, which is primarily out there to make you a Buyer via serving out your most superficial soul-content and deluding you to think that the album is not about the creator's bank account but about YOU, on the other hand, is the equivalent of you tattooing "ATTENTION! I'm a retarded fucking turd and I like fantasy too, and I also am the guy who likes to get slapped around!" on your forehead. This is why and how this LP has the potential - haha, haha, ahahaha! - to be somewhat relevant to the genuinely staggered - smaller group - and to the drunk-ass audience that mainly looks to pump fists while throwing up on each other during a live show. Read more about this marketing attempt, or don't.

The record knows and utilizes - in an enjoyably realized manner, musically speaking - all the clever harmonic mechanics and the proven-, ever-vigorated pattern-platitudes of the glam metal genre, and, what is totally respectable from the album, is that it does not want to offer anything else or anything less than the 101% fulfillment of the - by the way : quite steep - requirements of still-enjoyable classic hair metal you prefer to deny you - sometime - enjoy.

Yes, the most cheapest form of the ethos of glam metal is kind of directed to the 13 year old girl -, who else does feel anything but the urge to shed a tear for perplexing lines like Poison's "Talk dirty to me", OMFG - but we should never forget that the glam metal vibe also could produce much more relevant popcultural deliveries, Guns N' Roses' Sweet Child O' Mine, for instance. (I know all Guns N' Roses songs by heart, and I feel secretly embarrassed about it a little, this is the magic of glam metal.)

Steel Panther's Balls Out shows equal interest in delivering along the more intense form of the style, while also making valiant and relevant attempts to revive the Aerosmith / Bon Jovi glam metal ballad with lyrical themes fixated on harmless comic-book porno. As hinted, the whole album is about explicit, harmless comic-book porno, and this direction is quite suitable to make you look more and more idiotic as you even ATTEMPT to oppose it. As hinted, the lyrics sometimes will get you completely off-guard, which simply is the most efficient quality of the release. An example : "Tomorrow I'll go to a party, tomorrow, I'll get myself some pussy, but, tonight : I'll jerk off."

In my opinion, you need to be an exceptionally sad person if you do not laugh at such a line. Mike Patton comes to mind who says : "Slayer. What can you tell about Slayer? I do not trust ANYBODY, who doesn't like Slayer."

There is a track on this album with a superb sequence. Track 11, called "I like drugs" has a powerful harmony/vocal melody collision from 1:42. If the album would feature ideas like this instead of the microwave glam it is primarily fond at, I would give the 8.0 even if the lyrics were : pussy!, cock!, pussy!, cock!, pussy! all over. But "I like drugs" is a pretty decent track, and it reeks classic Guns 'N Roses, Aerosmith glam-intensity all the way. Nothing you have never heard before, but very authentically, muscularly and properly done for that.

But, the reality of related things is that the more jokes a man offers about his genitals, the less interested I am in those jokes. And I show ZERO for the cock itself, OK?? Anyway. Steel Panther's Balls Out should be among your number one picks to surprise your feminist friends with. It is not the tragedy of this album if it produces millions of sales, it is the tragedy of humankind, but hey, life goes on.

Rating : 7.0 / 10

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