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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Nickelback - Here and Now review

Year : 2011
Genre : Radio Rock, Soft Rock
Label : Roadrunner Records, Universal
Origin : Canada
Rating : 5.0 / 10

Buy it now

Canada's Nickelback crushes into your radar zone with a cover art that has the Need for Speed Underground 2 going on right from 2004. OM fucking G. High Dynamic Range Photography for High Dynamic Range bubblegum rock of the pretty deceitful kind, and the only catch - huge catch at that - herein lies in the profound inconsistencies the album is prone to exhibit along its not too long spin time of 39 minutes.

Nickelback's Here and Now starts out on its highest note to offer with brisk, muscular album opener "This means war", - forget the pretentious platitude lyrics - in which the rule set is quick and efficient to reveal its surprisingly deceitful character : the name of the main game, you, oh!, tricked one would think, is up-tempo hard rock-accessibility with modestly tamed aggression that packs sufficient amount of grit, but you will find yourself further and further away from this hope along the spin's way. Read on to find out more about this release, that which relentlessly collides your face with every single sentence of the "here is how to build a risk free, catchy mid-tempo rock song for the family friendly radio audience!" textbook. Blooooeeeeeeeh.

As hinted, it is very easy to be totally enthusiastic and honestly hopeful for the record after hearing its intense opener, and I personally find myself with my mouth and eyes wide open by the bewilderment caused by a healthy 75%-80% (!!) of the latter segments of this radio rock release. There is one primer quality to this record that will determine its ultimate value in your eyes, and that is this : on this Nickelback LP called Here and Now, every single ear-friendly bonfire chord progression will have its ass bruuuutally, brutally abused to death and beyond, and the same goes for the melodic rock-lines. You have heard every single one of those before. Truly, I invite you to check out the superb first track of this LP, - the second, called "Bottoms Up" is solid, too, minus the shitdigger "let's be drunk,aye!" lyrics - and compare it with the last one. Once again : OM fucking G.

This LP shallows to as radio friendly soft rock as you have ever saw or heard, in fact, it does not refrain from the borders of annoying-ass pop, on occasion. Track number "When We Stand Together" starts to test the flashing red light with a "hey, hey, yei, yie!" chorus that makes John Lennon's Give Peace a Chance run to a corner, go fetal and cry, imagine what it does to me, asfjasklfjlsflasfsfas

Unfortunately, saved for its first two solid tracks, Nickelback's latest is so brutally fixated on the super-orthodox, radio-friendly compositional technique of verse - chorus - verse - chorus - intermission - huuuugechorus - not to mention that the content gets more tired and disturbingly sweaty with each song, as I will attempt to illustrate - that the listener is quick to learn how it is a vain idea to expect anything relevant after the first two contributions. (Which are the only two actual ones on this spin, in my opinion.)

OK, I admit, track number 4 "Midnight Queen" shows a little sear promise of plastic dignity yet, but nothing too serious : this is a relatively retarded, but at least, enthusiastic offspring from Aerosmith's Mama Kin and Guns N' Roses' Rocket Queen - Freud nods - and it also is the marker from which after the record turns into saliva-embarrassment and relentless anti-relevance.

Track number 5, called Gotta Get Some : the verse structure is Genesis' "I can't dance" from 1992, and the song gets a glam metal chorus to make daddies hide their daughters in the closet. Pha. Who gives a shit. Your daughter is ugly, Sir.

Track number 6, called "Lullaby" is a copy of "Winds of Change" from Scorpions from 1990 or so, only, the chorus is replaced with the instant love song chord progression a decent woman will flamethrower-, THEN butcher you for. The fact that I was able to sit through this shit without spontaneously igniting up in flames, is a testament of will bordering on the superhuman, to be honest. Never. Again.

Track number 7, "Kiss It Goodbye" goes '80s synthpop with distorted guitars, - the riff is stolen from the '80s "uaaa - uaaa - u" song, I don't know what its title is, sorry - and the whole track reeks Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammar, in my opinion.

Track number 8, called "Trying to Not Love You" is an unsuccessful radio-hack attempt/riposte to Stone Sour's "Through the Glass", only "Through the Glass" is a song with power and dignity, and "Trying Not To Love You" is recycled soft-ass rock vomitory in slime format and I don't like it at all.

Track number 9, "Holding to Heaven", supposedly is a separate song from "Trying to Not Love You", - not so evident at first - yet one has to admit with delight that this song shows more success in communicating itself as the epitome of an Aerosmith glam metal ballad, but, basically, this what this song is. That "Holding on for : EVVA'" at the end of the chorus is what the song is all about, other than that : bonfire open chord rapeage.

Track number 10, "Everything I Do" is about women. This sounds like a mid-tempo ZZ Top song, only - and unfortunately - much less successful than the classic declarations of the Texan Ancients. And here is why : Nickelback,. Your. Song. Has. No. Chorus. !

Track number 11 is just a hideous closure with the hackneyed "we are children forever, you know, and life can be so beautiful you know, when I'm not abusing these poor chords in THIS particular sequence, you know!" vibe with another chord progression that is an embarrassment to consider, let alone PLAY.

Honestly, I tremendously like the first song of this LP, the second, I consider a good one, - minus its platitude-ass booze-abuse lyrics for teens wearing flannel shirts with horrifying rectangles on them - and all other things on this release are epic fail, in my opinion. Five points, because my heart is Gold.

Rating : 5.0 / 10

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