Candlemass - Psalms for the Dead review

Year : 2012
Genre : Epic Doom Metal
Label : Napalm
Origin : Sweden
Rating : 4.0 / 10

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The reviewer is not important in a review, but now it is important to note that I'm a fan of Sweden. I'm an Abba fan, a Meshuggah nuthugger and meshuggah metal aficionado, and Swedish women seem to be beautiful cosmic constructs - though I've never met one in real life yet to this day - and Sweden sounds to have an interesting, funny native language, too. Tomas Ledin's timeless "Just Nu" drew my attention to this percept. Also, Sweden has the most high suicide rate in the world currently, which probably shows that they are deeply spiritual people. It is easy to kill yourself if you take yourself too serious. Like this release does with its last song, "Black As Time", more on that later. The reason I'm making these initial observations, is the following : I don't like the fact that yet again I must write bad things about a Swedish disc after the Diablo Swing Orchestra's latest output, because, believe you me, I wanted to love this release from Swedish doom metal ancients, Candlemass. But it is impossible, for me, because I find 75% of this release - to be modest - vastly underwhelming, non-inspired AND non-inspiring. Read on to find out more about this.

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Phobos Corp - Felicity EP review

Year : 2012
Genre : Symphonic Epic Metal
Label : Independent
Origin : Germany in the way of Greece
Official site : > - here - <

Phobos Corp is a symphonic metal project mainly fueled by the similar spiritual calibration you will find yourself being the witness of whenever you soak ears into the earthy and ethereal machinations of such mainstream epic/goth ensembles as Nightwish or Within Temptation. (Did you notice yet how the Within Temptation song "Faster" is a blatant ripoff of Chris Isaak's  evergreen "Wicked Game"?)

The Felicity EP comes to you with a covert art that brings to mind the highly disturbing movie Martyrs, while the music on this 16 +- few secs EP is a riskless-, easily approachable and easily accessible symphonic metal build with both less intimidating and less beefed up production values than the latest Nightwish contribution weighs in as, for example. Read on to find out more about this.

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Nightwish - Imaginaerum review

Year : 2011
Genre : Symphonic Abba Metal
Label : Nuclear Blast / Roadrunner Records
Origin : Finland
Rating : 6.0 / 10

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Finland's Nightwish seemingly knows no insipid jokes when it comes to symphonic fairy tale metal. Imaginaerum comes to you with an exigently executed cover art and truly top of the heat production values, and it pains me relevantly enough to inform you that only 5 minutes and 22 seconds of this release is capable to offer something I'm eager to revisit.

Opening track, Taikatalvi is a gently presented musical introduction with Finnish lyrics to it, and this entry, one must assume, serves the attentive function to offer an initial compliment for the ruling atmosphere herein so it could exhibit secretly raging readiness to summon the heft to swarm you proper at any moment near you, with hopefully no less of an agenda than to carry your soul on the oh!, sooo fantastic sonic journey you're here for. Trallala. I got it, I got it. Show me the Animal.


Wish granted. Second track - virtually the first, because the intro is "just" a very nice intro - called Storytime engages Abba Metal Power about 101%, - for 5 minutes and 22 seconds, by the way - and one must imagine that this is the kind of music the so called "diligent metal fan" would be embarrassed to admit she/he totally enjoys, because it sparks, it flows, it carries you indeed, and, regardless of the oh!, so beautifully simplistic structure of verse and chorus, the mutual-, mere melodic tightness of these elements - add the soaring female vocals that hide no Camembert but pack legit power and bite - are more than enough to make GyZ a happy boy so far.

Third track, "Ghost River" has a mixture of seriously wicked masquerade and Rammstein vibe at the start region, in which the LP is quick to address its propensity to go fucking mental if it so pleases, and it is a pretty interesting notion you will be forced to take after its gentler-, but far from slimy direct predecessor. The track shows relative eagerness to go mildly experimental in nature at the mid section, inviting to mind the threshold-zone of the sublime rabidness so inherent to the trade of the avant garde silence massacrists forming the band called Unexpect.

"Slow, Love, Slow" is a slow love song, but, with a sensual menacing vibe to it, presented in a bar atmosphere in which you are not sure what will be the next thing in your mouth : someone's tongue, or a 45 Magnum. This delivery clearly marks an ambition to contribute a truly flamboyant fabric, as brass instruments and a guitar later on join in to deliver standard bluesy vibes. I'm sorry to say that the guitar solo is pretty meh, not much if any musical thought worth sharing behind it, but at least it is short. The song comes to a SUPERB catharsis, courtesy of the female vocalist, but it is SHORT!! Truly, the end section reeks Sam Brown's brilliant declaration Stop, and one has the feeling that the band members got afraid of this instead of embracing it while it is possible.

Next one, "I want my tears back" commits the mistake of nodding on such an exceptionally shitass-sucking track title, but, whatever. This song, unfortunately, shows regions of clueless wandering with Scottish pipes and other hideous things to crave the Michael Flatley. Irish folk song for you. Later on, clapping hands join in in order to exhibit the rhythmic structure for which you will do the Mike Flatley in the next moment if you absolutely are serious about coming across as a person a sober one would not enter into a lift with. This track, in my opinion, sucks ancient mummified mummy balls and I don't like it.

Scaretale tries to scare me with an orchestrated rumble delivered by 1 000 000 stringed instruments, and must say it succeeds. After a short, calmer interlude, an overly-bombastic symphonic build bordering on good old fashioned Bigottry Unlimited invites the rhythm guitars to cover its traces of escape. The singing in the song starts out at 2:55, and it quickly turns out that the name of the game herein is a cute/funny/scary/mehe musical-like piece you could have heard in the Sweeney Todd musical movie. Then you are invited to dismiss this notion, because the build takes a truly terrible turn for a highly idiotic pirate cartoon song, which would be immense dosage of fun in a Secret of the Monkey Island adventure game, but, it sounds like an insult on a professional record when offered as Content and not as a bonus track I get paid for if I'm consent listening to. The track later on returns to a more serious tone that refrains from slapping your face with a dead tuna fish, but, the memory of the horror is too fresh to appreciate any of it.

Arabesque summons the arabesque vibe with very nicely realized, lush orchestra that would flatter a Hollywood blockbuster no problem. Other than that, this indeed sounds more like a thorough-, and splendid demonstration of top level tradecraft skills from the producers - three men have worked on this release as producers - so they could proclaim : "Look! We can produce cinematic music!" Look! They can produce cinematic music!

"Turn Loose the Mermaids" is a gentle-, "emo bard by the bonfire" routine piece with some western overtones I personally got the shivers from in this context. It craves effect sooooooo desperately from me that I, for one, won't give it that courtesy. The song drops the western overtone at the end, and goes Flatley again. Aua.

"Rest Calm" features a man vocalist in a standard power metal stance. While his performance is acceptable, his charm and charisma in my opinion is overshadowed by his female counterparts joining in with a section that sports tad more inventive of a character than the power metalish verse structure. It is not entirely clear at this point what this track wants from me. It sounds like it wants everything, yet wants nothing sufficiently enough so I could give it to it. The piece comes to a bombastic bigottry build via its climax with every instrument in the studio seeking to declare its True Meaning, but the composition simply is not worthy enough to serve this valiant agenda out with me clapping to it.

"The Crow, The Owl and The Dove" is a radio friendly mid-tempo contribution with enough cunning to feature significantly different moods in the chorus and the verse, while a short, efficient interlude builds a safe passage so the band can sell the verse and chorus to you again without you getting caught sleeping. A solid "uhuh" song, but nothing beyond that.

"Last Ride of the Day", thank God & Co., once again goes for the Abba metal vibe which this release looks the best with, in my opinion. The delight is not necessarily unblemished, because the chorus of this entry once again goes for cheapass high fantasy, and, despite the bombastic and relentless repetition of it at the ending portion of the song, I'm not sure if it is as good as the band suggests it to be.

"Song of Myself" is a 13 minutes epic with some pretty superb Abba metal verses at the initial regions, and even more of choirs that go "hah hahh hahh!" relentlessly to interrupt the great lead singer Abba metal chick, who, in my opinion, is much better with her own program than the choir is with their cumbersome-, alibi "hah hahh hahh!", I'm sorry to say. The track comes to a virtual stall without it noticing this about itself, and it basically becomes the context-sensitive background music of any combat section of any fantasy related RPGs. The build escapes this suffocation by seeking out another kind of it, with a row of lengthy, I mean : leeeeeeeenghty narrative performances, and the release gives you the vibe that you are listening to a self help tape. Nothing wrong with that, but where is my direct entertainment you promised!

As for the last track, the titular Imaginaerum : the central theme is a solid, thoughtful melody that could be the invention of John Williams, and, once you are served with it a couple of times, powerful-, yet at heart formless cinematic music is applied, so you would be delighted when you get the then-familiar central melody back. Beware : there are Scottish pipes on your way, and Michael Flatley knows you are near, too. Once again, this is a cinematic soundtrack for a Hollywood blockbuster, and it does nothing less or else than you would anticipate if to expect that from it.

This release has a very limited ability to deliver its stunning top form it gives you via its second track, which, not too surprisingly, was released as an introductory single for a much more tepid full length you have just been reading about. I got super-enthusiastic with this release upon hearing that second track, "Storytime", and with massive disappointment I conclude that I could not find anything else on it to remain in that mood for.

Rating : 6.0 / 10

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Ancient Bards - Soulless Child review

Year : 2011
Genre : Symphonic Power Metal, Epic Metal
Label : Limb Music / SpiritualBeast / Universal
Origin : Italy
Rating : 8.8 / 10

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Italian symphonic power/epic metal squadron Ancient Bards brings with itself an ornamented tome of rather healthy size sealed by a platinum guitar token and a platinum sword token, and also filled with stories even Edgar Alan Poe would show honest interest in, - no, Mr. Poe did not oblige, neither did The Wall. If YOU would, then you are about to be late with that already, because in a blink of an eye Ancient Bards slip out of the shadow to pop the cover up without remorse or hesitation, only, this time, the "muhaha" remains absent, and its mere absence is free to emerge as the mere fun for a change. This, no doubt, is a dainty, valiant symphonic metal statement from top to bottom, and also one that remains able to communicate itself along the dark fairy tale register without turning into the kind of Camembert that is about to be ready to move in space at its own free will. That's where cheese begins, right?

The release has full blown-, but much welcomed fixations it simply can not live without. The name of the primer game herein is up-tempo power metal of complex, gritty, yet playful character, one which proudly lacks all capacity and all the tools to hide what it really wants to do at heart without any regard to any other considerations whatsoever. The favorite patterns of the band are not hesitant to address their defining traits in full efficiency in a short amount of time, and the one simple thing that makes all this work superbly, is that the band members are aware of a flamboyant - and also soberly limited - variety of those. You will get accustomed to this album in 5 minutes, or not in five eternities. Because, in that case, you probably will remain a grandmaster-douché who gets bitter sex exclusively from dwarfs wearing pig masks. Ladies and gents, let's talk about the music.


As hinted, Ancient Bards' Soulless Child is not at all occupied with coating its primer, true intents into alienated variation. The tempo, most often - in fact, almost exclusively - is furious and fast enough to stick a smile on a pneumatic driller, the harmonies are dainty and brisk, and the whole build is complimented by a symphonic fabric in the background. Aggression is not too important here, in fact, not at all. Melody - rampant-unalloyed is more important, as you will see. The patterns I have been telling you about are expressing themselves in the rhythm section, primarily, as the LP exhibits a very straightforward, efficient methodology : you have the harmonic build with a momentary drum pattern to it, - the drummer has about four favorite drum patterns, and ONE particular carpet bomber pattern he is the Grateful Slave of and will make YOU one, too - and you have the female - aaaaaaaa - lead singing on top, that which finds absolutely pleasant directions to achieve the sense of dark tone fairy tale register which the record really is all about. One especially nice trait of this declaration is its reoccurring readiness to go rabid and exigent on the instrumental builds with crisp keyboard and guitar solo work.

As for the symphonic quality, that is not an irrelevant component of the fabric at all. It brings to mind an immediate reminiscence to fellow Italian group Fleshgod Apocalypse, - thunderous roar IN - thunderous roar OUT - only, this time, the music is more tame at heart and sports Gazelle anatomy instead of the composure of a juggernaut-grade reality eradicator the death metal specialists reveal on their latest contribution.

Regardless of a relative proneness of virtually repeating itself, - says the dudette with the letters - the release shows elegant interest to stay away from the safety shortcuts the genre offers for the antitalent at discount prices. As result of this TRULY commanding determination, the power metalish communist marching song vibe now gets traded for a much more intriguing vibe, that which is reminiscent of the ethos of dramatic musical theater, - oxymoron? - even opera, giving you a mood that invites to mind and soul such concepts as the musical atmosphere of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana and the kind of "dark" fantasy that is out for no blood, instead it is out to seek and point out "mere" secretive significance in the mighty fabric of the shared world experience.

Lead singer Sara Squadrani delivers a performance that is very easy to decide you like, and here is why : Miss Squadrani is not trying to be the immediate oh!, so most relevant Presence in a sonic fabric she is part of, she instead reigns in the state of "just" being there, - which, in a woman's case, is just sufficient - provoking a valiant fight with the sonic mass, which, in a while bows and bends to her will. Her tools are a great "as hard as I can!" attitude and splendid set of lungs and no regard whatsoever of what you think of her singing. In other words, Sara Squadrani is Your Metal Goddess Who Happens to Be There and Is Not Afraid to Prove That. And, usually the singers who fail to give a damn of what others think of their singing, are the ones THOSE others will enjoy, too. Squadrani's voice packs the raw-, but tender she-wolf a female metal singer virtually is worthless without, and her REAL, non-effected track sits in a very well researched place in the mix. I especially like the way she delivers her loooong long extremes wherein a song demands so. All in all, I like Sara Squadrani's singing and I'm pretty sure that you like it, too.

All in all, Ancient Bards' Soulless Child is a robust symphonic power metal delivery that brings to you a whole lot to soak your grateful ears into, and, courtesy of its homogeneous character, this without doubt is a record that simply weighs in as intense, flamboyant fun to listen to.

Rating : 8.8 / 10

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